Navigating Tough Family Dynamics Over the Holidays

One of the most challenging parts of the holiday season as an adult is being re-immersed in family dynamics over the holidays. Often times, this can leave us feeling exhausted and depleted after we get back into the regular swing of daily life in the new year.

Here are some tips I recommend to help ease the emotional and mental impact of draining family visits while you're there, and once you've returned back home.

While you're there, try to implement some of the following suggestions that resonate:

1. Check in with yourself regularly, asking yourself "how am I feeling right now? what do I think I need?" This can help you break out of autopilot habits that you developed with family growing up and help you feel a little more in control of your emotional experience.

2. Take little breaks throughout the day. It can be a great reset to take a walk by yourself, take a few minutes by yourself in the spare room, or to engage in solo activities while you're seeing family. While it might feel like there's pressure to be available and part of the group during the entire trip, it's ultimately better for you (and for everyone) to take a few extra minutes to yourself rather than push through and end up feeling exhausted and cranky.

3. Sometimes, difficult topics of conversation can come up with family, especially those you don't see very often. Whether it's a family member giving you unsolicited dating advice or getting caught up in family gossip, remember that you can decide how you want to handle those moments. For example, you might decide before your trip that you'll step into the other room and join a new conversation if you find yourself in the middle of a gossip circle you're not interested in joining. Ultimately, keep in mind that we can't control what other people say or do, but we can control what we choose to do when it happens.

4. Many people may feel on edge, tense, or uncertain about how to show up around certain family members. Sometimes, this can leave us feeling disconnected from our most authentic self. If that is the case, take some time to reflect on the people and places where you feel most like YOU and find small ways to honor that part of yourself. For example, you can take a few minutes to send a text or call one of those people, or listen to a song by a band you recently saw.

When you get back from time spent with family over the holidays, consider these ways to decompress:

1. Journal, record a voice memo, or talk to a member of your chosen family about how the experience was. Make sure to make note of your somatic and emotional experiences when you were with family, and how you're feeling now that you've returned. Taking time to identify and express your emotions may be very helpful in understanding the extent of the impact this visit had on you.

2. Take stock of your values. After being around longstanding family dynamics, we can sometimes get swept up in old communication habits and ways of thinking that don’t actually serve us. Reflecting on what you really value in your relationships and communication can help you reground into the person you are today.

3. Do something that helps you connect to yourself - whether that's doing a hobby you really enjoy, spending time with a close friend, or watching your favorite movie.